The Wellington Hills Sports Complex? No, it's NOT a done deal!

Saturday, November 1, 2014

This ain't your granny's park, this is a for-profit Regional Pay-To-Play Enterprise (and not a park at all, or at least not what granny called a park)

... after reading the November e-newsletter from the dept. of parks, I clipped out the following:


And that got me thinking - since the dept. of parks wants Wellington Hills to be a money-maker ...

Here's a few biz suggestions:


1.  Statistical analysis and pie-charts all indicate that oodles of people go to parks to smoke marijuana. To cash in on this, the dept. of parks should invest in concession stands selling primo weed and fresh scones.

2. Rent paint ball guns and sell tickets for hiding in elevated hunter’s tree stands. Then, promote trail walkers to be active, not passive* – encourage them to blow duck calls** as they naively enjoy nature unaware of the paintballers.

* Suggest they wear impact resistant eye wear.
** For sale in the park at the County’s Acme Sporting Goods.


3. In the less developed 91.2% areas of the park - rent, sell or lease all the necessary gear and accouterments for alternative activities: 


·      On-trail Motocross
·      Demolition Derbies
·      Bungee Jumps from Trees
·      Boomerang Tag
·      Caber Tossing
·      Whack-A-Real-Mole
·      Curling
·      Lumberjack Axe and Saw Competitions
·      And, the always popular, Beer Pong


4.  Since this is a for-profit Snohomish County Park, The Redneck Games would be perfect – some of the traditional events:

·      Cigarette Flip
·      Bobbing for Pig’s Feet
·      Seed Spitting
·      Toilet Seat Throwing
·      Mud Pit Belly Flop
·      Big-Hair Contest
·      Wet-T-shirt Contest
·      Armpit Serenade
·      Greased Pig Chases
·      Cow Pie Tossing
·      Spitballing
·      Dumpster Diving

5.  Sponsor MMA caged fights, including long-drawn-out matches between bureaucrats and fire ants.